When I was younger, my mum would frequently make reference to the things she would like to do when she “grows up”. I would pull a pickled onion face and mutter something rotten and offensive as only ignorant, spotty little teenagers can – probably, awfully, putting her off trying in the first place.

And now I’m the mum, and oh my goodness do I ever get what she means. I’ve not said those words to my daughter (who isn’t half as unpleasant as I was) for fear of the visible cringe. I’ll never say it to my sons, who are boys and therefore already the type of people to answer “yes” to “do I look fat in this?”

I read something the other day that stuck in my little head hole. It was careers advice in a women’s magazine clearly aimed at fillies much younger than this washed up old trout. It said to “put all your eggs in one basket and guard them with your life.” What super, super advice. And how many of us have really done that?

Read the full column on the Vine magazine website.